Not giving up on Minimalist Advent yet!

So it has turned into a list, no themes, just a list.  But I’m still doing it!

Day #10 – old rain coat – it had several baby/coffee/dirt stains, but I loved it, so it was hard to part with, but it needed to be put down.

Day #11 – protein shake packets – I don’t know why I kid myself with these things, they work for weight loss because they are extremely low calorie and full of protein so they fill you up, the trade off is they are disgusting.  I’ve decided I would rather eat the calorie equivalent of something that tastes good and feel hungry afterwards than to choke down one of these.

Day #12 – extra address labels – I was looking through my office supplies and had some sheets of random sized labels (the leftovers from previously used boxes) why on earth did I keep these?  One consistent size is more than enough for my once or twice a year address label making needs!

Day #13 – Set of blue and white mugs/lids/plates/saucers – I’m counting these for 4 days because this was such a big thing to get rid of.  These were our “hot chocolate mugs” and “treat plates” and they were quite cute with their little lids for the mugs and everything.  And when I got them (I think for my wedding) they were surrounded with so much hope for cozy blizzard days with hot chocolate around the beautifully set table with my yet to be born children that I could cry just thinking about it (Thank you Williams Sonoma for setting that expectation).  Ends up they aren’t practical; we use them once a year and typically when we have used them a child has chipped the delicate porcelain or spilled (they are very “spilly” cups, you know what I’m talking about, some mugs just spill a lot).  You will not be surprised to find out that we have as cozy of days as I had imagined with hot chocolate in regular mugs at our table set with plastic mats.  There is more screaming and hitting and whining than in my imagined scenario pre-children, but it’s still pretty nice.

Day #14 – as above

Day #15 – as above

Day #16 – as above

Day #17 – baby gates – we don’t need them anymore, yay!!!

Day #19 – a pair of jeans – how many jeans does a person really need?  Discuss amongst yourselves.

Cheaters Never Prosper

This weekend I had an "aha" moment about this experience.  I actually tried to cheat the system on Friday.  I put aside about 4 articles of clothing that I am going to donate, thinking that I would use one of them for day #6 and then keep the rest in case I have a busy day later on this month or I run out of things to get rid of (Ha ha!  As if I could run out!).  But despite having some things knowingly set aside to use, I still keep running into new things on a daily basis, without any preplanning whatsoever, that I want to get rid of simply because I am more observant about my surroundings with this mindset in place.  It is interesting because I have done big “spring cleaning” sorts of things in my closets before, and I really enjoy them, but the smaller daily living mindset is actually really nice too and keeps me more present and aware of my use of various household objects. So even though I planned on cheating it didn't even work!  Although they are still in my closet just in case...

Day #6: “An item of clothing that doesn’t fit”

I wore a pair of pants today that I haven't worn in awhile and they started out the feeling like they fit, but 30 minutes into wearing them I realized they are "saggy butt pants."  I’ve lost a little weight over the past year (through a lot of sweat and tears) and my body is just different now which means clothing fits different.  I have been selling my in-good-shape clothing through Thred Up (an online consignment store) and I’m happy with their process, so into the Thred Up bag they go!

Day #7: “something that needlessly takes up surface real estate (my own term for flat spaces: tables, counter tops, etc.)”

I got rid of my alarm clock today.  It worked just fine, but it was sort of old and pretty big, plus I don’t even use it any more as an alarm clock, I use my phone.  It was starting to be crowded on my bedside table and now it looks so nice and empty; my phone has it's own real estate now!

Day #8:  “an item of clothing that is worn out, and should not be worn in public”

I have a tendency to hang onto sweaters.  As someone who knits I love the texture and color and everything about a sweater.  But sometimes they get worn out, and pilled, and just smelly.  This particular sweater lives on the bottom of a stack of other sweaters that I actually wear.  I keep thinking I’ll wear it some day for some dirty indoor task where no one else will see me and I will never go outside in it.  Which means it will probably never get worn.  Because who wears a sweater when what you want is actually an old sweatshirt?

Day #9: “something useless taking up space in the kitchen cabinet”

If you have little kids you know that sippy cups are sort of annoying, but also necessary if you don’t want to be constantly mopping your floors.  There is always a “new and better” sippy cup that comes out and I am exactly the person they are marketing those for.  And then I get them home and I’m acutely disappointed in their performance.  I got rid of a couple of them today and it’s like a sippy cup size weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

Just in case you thought I forgot...

I didn’t! I just don’t have time to blog about stuff every day so I’ll have to chunk it.  Also, for the fun of it (and for potentially repeating the process next year) I’ve added themes that complete the directive, “Pass along something…”

2^nd day: “…that is broken.”

Today we sold a desk and matching chair on craig’s list.  It had a broken drawer, and had been well used by our whole family for the past 8 years.  The drawer was fixable, but neither of us wanted to do that, or pay to have it done on something that was already in fairly worn out condition.  Plus it doesn’t match any of our other furniture (which is no crime, we definitely lived with mismatched furniture throughout college, grad school, medical and vet school, and 7 years of residencies).  Furniture that plays well together is enjoyable for me and so the broken desk is now gone.

3^rd day: “…that is an unnecessary duplicate.”

Today I donated our old duvet cover.  It was one of those things I had thought of keeping because it was still in decent condition, but really, when am I going to use that, ever?  Plus it was annoying because it had pin tucks.  Have you ever tried to tug gently on something with pintucks? (when you are making a bed for example)?  Don’t do it, it rips them out, which looks bad.  Not a good purchase choice on my part and keeping it reminded me of my failings.

4^th day: “…that you’ve been holding on to only because it was a gift.”

Today I donated a piece of pottery that was given to us as a wedding gift.  I liked it for the first 6 years, then I stopped liking it as much, and now it doesn’t fit with anything else we have and the guilt surrounding getting rid of it because it was a wedding present is cloying.  But, it is gone.  Sweet relief.

5^th day: “…that is uncomfortable/annoying.”

Today I sorted through my sock drawer and got rid of a bunch of socks.  I need to remind myself not to buy socks in sets, because inevitably half the set has colors I like and the other half I don’t, so they get shoved in the back of the drawer and never worn.  I also have a bunch of socks that annoy me because of the way they feel inside my shoes (my kids are super sensitive about sock seams, I wonder where they get it from…) so those are gone too.  The remaining socks can now luxuriate in their spacious drawer.

Minimalist Advent

I’ve always loved the idea of an Advent calendar but I’ve never actually had one.  A couple of times we’ve bought the inexpensive chocolate deals for the kids and it just seemed so excessive to have a treat every day (and the chocolate is often gross) and so it just never really “took” as a family tradition.  But I like the idea of “marking the days” which is what it seems like it is all about.  Based on my very brief research (5 minutes of google) advent calendars have only been around for 100 or so years and the ones that have gifts in them for only about 60 years, so it’s not like Jesus said “give them loads of stuff every day leading up to and including my actual birthday!” right?  And I don’t want to send the message to my kids that “you get a new ‘thing’ every day” and then there is just more junky stuff around the house, which drives me crazy. 

I looked around on the internet and I found some really fun ideas like this one http://www.theminimalistmom.com/2012/11/clutterfreeadventcalendar/

but even that requires more time and planning than I am capable of at this point.  So I decided to do something that kills two birds with one stone (on a side note, that is really an unfortunate metaphor isn’t it, with the killing of the birds and everything?).  I’m going to donate or get rid of one “thing” every day leading up to Christmas, and I’m going to document it here so that I can hold myself accountable.  Not only will it free up more space (and be less stuff to move to our new house) but it will passing things on that could be of potential use by others.  I’m going to try to talk the kids into doing it too, to make some room for whatever new might be coming into the house this holiday season but we’ll see how that goes.  Wish me luck!

Day #1 – Our Crib – ok, so this is totally picking the low hanging fruit because we were going to get rid of it anyway, but give me a break, I just finished working 60+ hours over the past 4 days and I’m tired.  Plus, it’s been sitting in our garage for the last 3 weeks and it really needs to go.  Surprisingly, even though all 3 of our kids slept in there as a baby, I have no emotional attachment to the crib so this is not really a painful one to give away.  So tonight we will put it on Craig’s List!  (I would absolutely donate it but there are no charitable organizations that will accept cribs in our city that I can find due to safety risks).  If you’re looking for a free crib let me know.

Sleep and the Sleep Cycle App

 As a doctor I often end up talking to people about sleep; about how important it is, how truly critical it is to our health, and in talking about it I see how many people have abnormal sleep patterns.  It is one of those chicken and the egg issues; is it their comorbidities affecting their sleep or their sleep affecting their comorbidities?  I usually don’t have the answer for that, other than that many people I see who are struggling with their weight also have abnormal sleep (ok my friend over at Go Maleo, I’m just waiting for you to blog about this!).  Anyway, sleep is critical, there is no debating the evidence for that: if you don’t sleep at all you will die (in the short term) and if you don’t sleep much you will definitely die sooner than you should (in the long term).  So why, when I am knowledgeable on this subject do I personally suck at taking my own advice?  Probably for whatever the same reason most people tend to lack insight about some of the things that negatively affect their life the most (it would take a lot of psychological theory to delve into this and it is not the point so I’m just going to gloss over the “why” right now and move on).  Anyway, the point is, I don’t sleep as much as would be healthy. 

            I’m not the only one you know!  Our whole society is burning the candle at both ends, you can read all about it all over the internet I’m sure!  Somehow that makes me feel better, that I’m not the only one, but in the end I really know better than to fall back on a group mentality like that. I have read a lot about this and I have gone to lectures given by doctors who specialize in sleep medicine (that’s right, there is an ENTIRE FIELD OF MEDICINE DEDICATED TO THE TOPIC) and it is pretty clear to me that I have probably shaved 5-10 years off my life expectancy by shorting myself on sleep in a chronic fashion.  That means if I was going to be average and make it to 75 or 80 I’ll now be lucky to make it to 70.  I better get crackin’ on some of my life goals because 70 is just around the corner!

 I could blame my career (damn you medical school and residency!) but the reality is that I was the kid under the blankets reading books with a flashlight past my bedtime and then waking up at 5:30 am for swim practice long before my profession got a hold of me.   Recognizing you have a problem is the first step they say.  Personally my next step is always “data collection.”  It’s just my nature to want to fully analyze the problem before I work on the solution.  So 2 months ago I started using an app called Sleep Cycle.

Sleep Cycle works by sensing your body movements in your bed at night (you lay your phone near your head – I don’t even want to think about my increased brain cancer risk right now so don’t go there!).  If you’re moving a lot it puts you in the “awake” category and if you’re moving less it puts you in the “sleep” category and if you are completely still you are in the “deep sleep” category.  I can’t really speak to the validity of the methods of this app because while body movements are part of your sleep cycle I don’t think this method alone can really say what sleep state you are in (unless they also make an EEG app and little electrodes pop out of your phone and attach to your scalp).  But in the morning you get a nice little graph showing you your sleep cycles based on your movements throughout the night.  It ends up that, like most humans, I have 90 minute sleep cycles, which doesn’t really surprise me.  What did surprise me is how little I have been sleeping!

Now, you might say, “but you just said you have never slept that much” and yes, I know that is true, I said that!  But when I actually looked at the hard data that was showing me what time I went to bed each night, what time I wake up each morning, how much sleep I get total and what the relative “quality” of that sleep is and then look at a graph of those numbers (with averages as well) it makes the situation look much more dire.   

As a fun side note, it has an option where you can add notes about your day and then correlate them to your “rating” of how well you slept.  For example you can click “drank coffee” or “stressful day” and then the next morning it will give you a frowny face, a “meh” face, or a smiley face so that you can rate your night of sleep and it will then correlate those factors over time with your opinion of your sleep quality.  Again, not hard science there, but kind of a fun little correlation tool for personal use. 

Using that part of the app I have discovered that I feel like I have slept better in the morning if I have green tea at night before I go to bed.  So, let me emphasize, this is CORRELATION not CAUSATION.  I am not saying green tea helps me sleep, but that somehow the two tend to happen at the same time.  If I had to guess I would actually say that when I have green tea before I go to bed I tend to sit and meditatively drink my tea and relax at the same time ,which, if we’re looking for causation, seems more likely to be the underlying cause of the improved sleep quality.

Another fun little feature of this app is that it has an alarm clock in it that is supposed to wake you up at the natural point of being “most awake” in your sleep cycle.  You give it a window of time (I have mine set to 30 minute window) and it notices when you start having “wakeful” body movements and the alarm goes off at that point, avoiding your “deep sleep” time.  This works great if you have a somewhat flexible schedule or if you’re ok with potentially waking up 30 minutes before you really need to be awake.  I really like this feature so far although I can't really tell how well it works because I have small children who are serving as my true alarm clocks.  I do think I have had fewer or those really really groggy awakenings you sometimes get from an alarm when it wakes you out of a deep sleep by using this app as my alarm clock.

Moving on.  I collected the data.  I have numbers.  NOW WHAT? If I was sitting down with myself in my office I would say:  make small changes, set achievable goals. And this is where it gets hard for me, and hard for everyone who tries to make behavioral changes (because if it was easy we would have all done it already, right?) the actual change part is so painful!  I honestly love sleep and I am fortunate to be a really good sleeper once I get there, so again, you would think it would be easy to do more of something you love to do!  But I also like getting shit done, especially with my level of daily anxiety.  I have become accustomed to having more time in the day to do the things that I feel are important and if I spend more of that time sleeping, I will have less time.  The thought of having less time in the day may just throw me into a panic attack right at this very moment!  I know I need to shift my paradigm; what needs to be done all comes down to perspective, but again, those big shifts in thinking are hard and so I’ll try to refocus on the small stuff.  My first goal is to try to get at least 7 hours of sleep a night for the next 4 days; small and achievable.  I have noticed, through this sleep cycle app, that on the rare occasion I do get more than 7 hours of sleep, that I tend to choose the “smiley face” when I wake up.  This is not going to be easy, but more smiley faces has got to mean something good.  I’ll let you know how it goes!

The Best and Worst of our Bend and Crater Lake Trip

I already said this on Facebook, but I’m going to repeat it for posterity (and mainly so that “I” remember in the future), that at least some of my satisfaction with a trip comes from creating appropriate expectations for myself and properly labeling what the trip actually “is” instead of just calling it a vacation (which it wasn’t, and pretty much never is when you travel with kids, unless you travel with a nanny, which is dreaming for us).  “Vacation” is really a lot of pressure to have fun, and calling this trip fun would have definitely been overstating the case.  The correct label is that the first half of this trip was “travel to Bend and care for the kids while Andrew participates in a 100 mile mountain bike race” and the second half was “take the kids to a national park and go for a few hikes in the area.”  Those things I did do!  Every night at dinner with our kids we do a roundtable “best and worst” and here is the consensus for each day of our trip:

Friday Best:

            Well behaved children and baby on a long car trip to Bend!  Everyone took a nap (except me of course, because I was driving)!  A nice dinner with our friends the Warnock’s at the condo we were sharing in Mount Bachelor Village with a beautiful view looking onto the river and hearing it’s gentle roar in the background.  

Friday Worst:

            We arrived slightly later than planned and Andrew Gendler still went out for a ride, leaving the ladies to multitask child care and dinner prep in a kitchen the size of a small closet while the children alternated between running, screaming, harming themselves or each other, and damaging the premises.  Clearly it was less than ideal. 

Saturday Best:

            Andrew Gendler survived his race!  It started at 5:30 am and he rode 100 miles of mountain bike trails on a very hot and very dusty trail at significant elevation!  It was an extremely well supported race the aid stations and volunteers were amazing!  The kids got to go swimming twice and were very happy about that!  Also, I was so lucky to have another mom to share in the torture with me of the whole experience; Sarah was awesome and even took my older two off my hands for over an hour when we were waiting for Andrew in a very hot parking lot.

Saturday Worst:

            I had a lapse in judgement and decided to go to two of the aid stations with the kids to cheer Andrew on when we had originally planned on coming to “maybe” one of them.  I figured the whole point of us being there was for his race and wanted to show him our support.  BIG MISTAKE.  It was hot, really hot, and we were only guessing as to when they might come through the check points, we had no way of knowing.  We ended up waiting for over an hour on the hot and dusty trail with no shade and the kids at both of the spots (after driving 30 minutes to get to each one) and then a long time at the finish too.  I stupidly didn’t bring enough water and was trying to conserve it for the kids so I didn’t really have anything to drink.  The kids were grumpy and tired within the first 5 minutes (in fact Asher refused to leave the car and stayed in there while we burned through a half a tank of gas throughout the day running the car to keep it cool).  I also had not had enough coffee to get me through this kind of day and so I desperately wanted coffee and I decided to go get some before the race finish but when I tried to go downtown I found out the whole area was cordoned off for a criterium race and could not find coffee anywhere.  It felt like a disaster.  Add on top of that that I am already jealous that Andrew spends 20+ hours a week training on his bike instead of spending time with us and then here I was torturing myself and the kids over seeing him for 5 minutes at an aid station and that was it, I was done!  In addition to the difficulty of a grumpy 9 and 6 year old I had toddler issues too; Vivian was repeatedly trying to injure herself.  She tried to drown a couple of times in the baby pool and then kept wanting to jump in (and have Avery catch her) but wouldn’t jump quite far enough and actually hit the back of her skull on the pool deck one time (one of my least favorite injuries from my life guarding/swimming lesson years).  Fortunately she is a tough kid and bounced back from everything really well.  Additionally she kept trying to pull the glass top off of the coffee table in the condo.  It was rather stupidly not attached to the table in any way, and I got so tired of telling her “no!” and having her keep doing it that I finally took it out of the room and put it on the deck.  When we came home that evening it was completely shattered (I thought that since it was in the shade and not getting direct sun light it wouldn’t matter whether or not it was tempered, guess I was wrong about that!).  She also fell down the stairs at one point (she can handle our stairs at home but for some reason these stairs were more difficult) and I just wanted everyone to just hold still and not whine about anything for 5 minutes but that is really asking a lot with 3 kids.  Ok, I will stop with the negativity now, LESSON LEARNED, I will not take the kids to another bike race again (and I probably won’t go myself either, on a scale of 1 to 10 for fun spectator sports watching anything other than a criterium or cyclocross race is somewhere around 0.5).

Sunday Best:

            I had a nice road bike ride in the morning with Sarah, we climbed 10 miles up Mount Bachelor (the Scenic Byway) and then turned around and came back down faster than I normally do (to the point that felt unsafe but it was really fun!).  That road was wonderfully smooth, like riding on butter!  Plus there is nothing quite so cathartic for your anger about how much your spouse rides their bike than riding your own bike!

            Crater Lake was amazing!  We got there around 4 pm and checked into the Crater Lake Lodge.  Andrew and I both love those old lodge buildings; it’s like they are wrapped in a cocoon of romantic nostalgia that is almost palpable.  We took the kids to a Junior Ranger activity before going to dinner and they got badges which made their day!  I was happy I had planned in advance (I made the dinner reservations 3 months ago, on the first possible day you could!) and dinner was really fun, the kids were amazingly well behaved and the food was bland and overpriced but we didn’t care because we had WELL BEHAVED CHILDREN AT A FORMAL DINNER FOR ONCE!  It almost makes me cry to think about it; I will remember it forever!  After dinner we went for a 2+ mile hike to Discovery point which leaves from the Rim Village area and goes out to the high point where the lake was first accidentally discovered over a hundred years ago.  As we were starting our hike we stumbled across a young couple getting engaged and they asked us to take pictures of them, so romantic!  (it caused about 300 questions to come out of Avery’s mouth after we left the scene).  The lake was so blue and so beautiful and the sunset was amazing and the kids did really well on the hike especially for it being at the end of a very long day.  We let them stay up late and Andrew took them down to the lovely veranda for some stargazing before we fell asleep with our windows open to the cool mountain air.

Sunday Worst:

            We forgot our baby backpack!  (thank goodness the Warnocks had theirs and let us borrow it otherwise we were going to have to go buy another one and there is nothing more painful than buying a duplicate large item that is rarely used that your kid is on the verge of growing out of anyway!).  We got eaten alive by mosquitos on our hike because we forgot bug spray!  (seriously, the one time I don’t make a 200 item long organized packing list is the time we forget this stuff!).  I had specifically planned this trip for some really good stargazing as Avery really loves studying astronomy this year in school and it was a FULL MOON that made it bright as day outside that night and not so favorable for stargazing.  Maybe my planning was a little off after all!

Monday Best:

            Planning pays off again!  We had a nice breakfast at the lodge and were able to squeeze in two fun hikes because of my planned-down-to-the-minute itinerary: Annie Creek Trail with a trek into an interesting canyon and some fun time playing in the creek and the Cleetwood Cove trail which is the only way to get down to the actual lake.  As the desk clerk told us it’s “one mile downhill and eleven miles back up.”  It’s so steep that we actually saw people who were coming up while we were going down and then PASSED THEM ON OUR WAY BACK UP because they could barely make it!  We had initially been disappointed because we had wanted to go on a boat trip but they won’t take kids under 3 and in the end it was fine.  We all swam in the VERY cold water (even V got in to her waist because she kept shrieking “SWIM! SWIM!” when she saw her brother and sister get in!) and it was really fun!  We slowly doled out gummi bears and dried mangoes on the hike back up to maintain motivation.  Everyone was tired after the two hikes and took naps as we left the park and moved on to Diamond Lake (again except me, but I can’t sleep in the car anyways).

Monday Worst:

            Diamond Lake Resort was a total disappointment.  It was the worst place I have ever stayed and they should remove “Resort” from the name.  It was dingy, dirty, nasty, old, broken down (the door barely even worked and had about an inch of open air space underneath with bugs crawling in!) and gave me the heebee jeebees.  My planning failed when it came to this place; I had trusted the agent on the phone who, when I was booking the Crater Lake Lodge through the National Park line told me that I was booking rather late (several months ago) and so there was only availability for Sunday but that Diamond Lake was a really nice place to stay and on our way out of the park for Monday night.  LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE!  We decided to make the best of it and took the kids swimming in the lake after I had checked with the front desk staff to make sure it was safe to do so (there wasn’t anyone else swimming…) and they said yes.  The kids had fun playing on the black sand beach and walking in the shallows and as we were leaving I saw the sign saying “Swim at your own risk, TOXIC ALGAE PRESENT”  Say what???  We got the kids in the shower and all rinsed off (no tub in this hotel but crazy slippery showers, everyone was slipping and sliding all over the bathroom, poor V smashed her face on the floor multiple times until we essentially created a wet carpet out of towels) and then tucked them (and ourselves) into very tiny and dingy double beds, the kind that dump everyone into the hole in the middle.  The window air conditioner spewed a steady stream of way too cold acrid air straight in our faces all night.  When Asher woke up at 5 am we all popped up and WE WERE OUT OF THERE!

Tuesday Best:

            Another great car trip with the kids, they are such troopers!  My faith in our ability to travel with them has been restored!  8 hours in the car and they act like it was no big deal!  Plus some nice time for Andrew and I to just chat.  I love him, even if I have to share him with his bike!  (which I will probably continue to bitch about on a regular basis!).

Tuesday Worst:

            The bittersweet sensation of coming home when the reality of everything that has to get done (including unpacking) sinks in.  Maybe our trip was more vacation than I thought after all!

For my Dad on Father's Day

Things get busy with kids and work and everything tumbling all together in the time warp that the speed of life seems to take.  I read a quote the other day somewhere that said, “The days are long but the years are short.”  That seems ever more true with each passing year.  But in that jumble of what seem to be unforgettable moments I often fail to reflect back and piece together the meaningful points but sometimes they jump out of the past and surprise me, which is what happened the other day when I was talking with Avery.  And sometimes there are days, like today, Father’s Day, that despite being commercialized and driven by consumerism, are another opportunity to pause and appreciate people, like my Dad, who has contributed so much to who I am today.

The deja-vu memory that jumped up in my face happened the other day when Avery and I were talking about Italy.  In her elementary school the entire school studies a different country each month as part of their International Curriculum.  She loves this part of school and has learned about 18 different countries/regions since she has been there the past 2 years.  Her favorite country so far as been Italy and she got really engrossed in studying it and still carefully pours over the map.  Once she met someone who had lived in Italy for a long time and peppered the woman with so many questions I was almost embarrassed!  She dreams of going there some day and when she grows up she wants to become a photojournalist and a writer and travel the world telling stories with pictures and words. 

So it is particularly painful for her that Andrew and I are taking our big (belated) 10 Year Anniversary trip to Italy this fall.  She was having a tough month because of her broken leg and being relegated to sitting around a lot and at this particular moment she was complaining about her life and feeling sorry for herself about all of these things.  She was also complaining about how she doesn’t like learning Spanish in school when she really wants to learn Italian.  Without thinking I said, “well, what if you could learn Italian, would you really do it?” and she said, “Yes, but it’s a waste of time if I never get to go there!”  And I said (without thinking it through first), “Well, if you become fluent in Italian I will take you to Italy.”  And she said, “Really?  You would do that?”  I realized at that moment that even though all of the realities will probably never allow it to happen (time, money, effort, etc.) that yes, if she reaches for her dream and actually becomes fluent in a second language, then I would do that, in a heartbeat.

And then I had a flashback to my own childhood. One of those really clear memories that you can see like it had just happened. I remember being out on the sidewalk in front of our house.  I had a little microscope and I was looking at bugs and grass and leaves while my Dad mowed the lawn, I was probably around 10 or 11.  As he was cleaning off the sidewalk I told him about what I had seen and how I wanted to be scientist someday and go to a really good college so I could learn everything about microbiology.  He asked what college I wanted to go to and I said Harvard, but that I didn’t think that was possible; too hard and too expensive.  And then he stopped and looked me in the eye and told me very seriously, “You can go to any college you want to go to, you can be anything you want to be, and I will do everything I can to help you succeed.”  I said, “really?” And he said, “yes, I will sell the farm to send you to college if I have to!”  And that was serious to me, and I remember thinking, “wow, he would do that?  He truly believes I can do it!”  I didn’t have an idea at that time what it is like to be a parent, how desperately you want the best for your kids, how much you want them to succeed.  And now I know.  My Dad could have squashed my dream with reality: what were the chances a Montana girl would end up at an Ivy League school?  What are the chances there would be a way to pay for that expensive education?  But instead he let me come to that crucial point where a dream that floats around in your brain gets the corner nailed down.  And each step forward nails down another section until what was a dream becomes a real thing.  That was a pivotal moment in my childhood and I am thankful for it.  

My Dad is very pragmatic but he allowed me to dream and grow and supported me along the way with words of wisdom and advice (and he still does).   So I am trying to channel him more when I talk to Avery, because sometimes I am too practical with her and give her too much reality.  I want her to dream.  I want her to imagine all the things she could be and the places she could go.  I helped her nail a corner down that day and we’ll see if she can keep up the work to make her dream a reality.  I’ll sell the farm to help her get there if I need to.

Thank you, Dad, for being who you are and for shaping my life in such a positive way.