Sunday, June 16, 2013

For my Dad on Father's Day


Things get busy with kids and work and everything tumbling all together in the time warp that the speed of life seems to take.  I read a quote the other day somewhere that said, “The days are long but the years are short.”  That seems ever more true with each passing year.  But in that jumble of what seem to be unforgettable moments I often fail to reflect back and piece together the meaningful points but sometimes they jump out of the past and surprise me, which is what happened the other day when I was talking with Avery.  And sometimes there are days, like today, Father’s Day, that despite being commercialized and driven by consumerism, are another opportunity to pause and appreciate people, like my Dad, who has contributed so much to who I am today.

The deja-vu memory that jumped up in my face happened the other day when Avery and I were talking about Italy.  In her elementary school the entire school studies a different country each month as part of their International Curriculum.  She loves this part of school and has learned about 18 different countries/regions since she has been there the past 2 years.  Her favorite country so far as been Italy and she got really engrossed in studying it and still carefully pours over the map.  Once she met someone who had lived in Italy for a long time and peppered the woman with so many questions I was almost embarrassed!  She dreams of going there some day and when she grows up she wants to become a photojournalist and a writer and travel the world telling stories with pictures and words. 

So it is particularly painful for her that Andrew and I are taking our big (belated) 10 Year Anniversary trip to Italy this fall.  She was having a tough month because of her broken leg and being relegated to sitting around a lot and at this particular moment she was complaining about her life and feeling sorry for herself about all of these things.  She was also complaining about how she doesn’t like learning Spanish in school when she really wants to learn Italian.  Without thinking I said, “well, what if you could learn Italian, would you really do it?” and she said, “Yes, but it’s a waste of time if I never get to go there!”  And I said (without thinking it through first), “Well, if you become fluent in Italian I will take you to Italy.”  And she said, “Really?  You would do that?”  I realized at that moment that even though all of the realities will probably never allow it to happen (time, money, effort, etc.) that yes, if she reaches for her dream and actually becomes fluent in a second language, then I would do that, in a heartbeat.

And then I had a flashback to my own childhood. One of those really clear memories that you can see like it had just happened. I remember being out on the sidewalk in front of our house.  I had a little microscope and I was looking at bugs and grass and leaves while my Dad mowed the lawn, I was probably around 10 or 11.  As he was cleaning off the sidewalk I told him about what I had seen and how I wanted to be scientist someday and go to a really good college so I could learn everything about microbiology.  He asked what college I wanted to go to and I said Harvard, but that I didn’t think that was possible; too hard and too expensive.  And then he stopped and looked me in the eye and told me very seriously, “You can go to any college you want to go to, you can be anything you want to be, and I will do everything I can to help you succeed.”  I said, “really?” And he said, “yes, I will sell the farm to send you to college if I have to!”  And that was serious to me, and I remember thinking, “wow, he would do that?  He truly believes I can do it!”  I didn’t have an idea at that time what it is like to be a parent, how desperately you want the best for your kids, how much you want them to succeed.  And now I know.  My Dad could have squashed my dream with reality: what were the chances a Montana girl would end up at an Ivy League school?  What are the chances there would be a way to pay for that expensive education?  But instead he let me come to that crucial point where a dream that floats around in your brain gets the corner nailed down.  And each step forward nails down another section until what was a dream becomes a real thing.  That was a pivotal moment in my childhood and I am thankful for it.  

My Dad is very pragmatic but he allowed me to dream and grow and supported me along the way with words of wisdom and advice (and he still does).   So I am trying to channel him more when I talk to Avery, because sometimes I am too practical with her and give her too much reality.  I want her to dream.  I want her to imagine all the things she could be and the places she could go.  I helped her nail a corner down that day and we’ll see if she can keep up the work to make her dream a reality.  I’ll sell the farm to help her get there if I need to.

Thank you, Dad, for being who you are and for shaping my life in such a positive way.

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