Many of you already know that Andrew and I are playing this competitive diet game, Game On! Diet. It has been fun and effective for us (I lost 4 lbs the first time I played in April, gained a couple of pounds back and restarted the game 2 weeks ago and have lost 3 lbs since then, so net negative 5 lbs). Andrew is also losing weight (not that he really "needs" to, but if he wants to be closer to "race weight" for biking then I guess, according to him, he has to lose some weight). It has been great for us, because it combines camaraderie and support with competitive challenge, which is what is so great about so many sports. So it makes dieting a sport, which is cool, and works for us!
I will tell most anyone (and probably have told everyone) that the best part of the diet is actually not the diet part. It is the "habit change" part of the game (you have to get rid of a bad habit of your own choosing by 'not' doing something everyday AND start a good habit that you actually do every day). I have been trying to do this on my own for the past year unsuccessfully, but the accountability of the game has really driven me to do it! The great thing is that I really can see how, when you stop a bad habit for 2 weeks, it truly stops and you don't have quite the same drive to do it again; you have the self control and power to make a choice. My best example is my phone, because that was my first bad habit, I made the rule for myself that I couldn't touch it in the car when I was driving. The first week I failed several days, I was subconsciously picking up my phone without even thinking about it. The second week went better, but it still would really bother me when it was ringing and was sitting RIGHT THERE in my purse, I could just reach in and... but I didn't. And by the 3rd week I didn't even think about it, I didn't care if it rang or beeped or buzzed, ignoring it became easy (so much so that I started ignoring at home too, when I wasn't even in the car!).
As far as the food rules go, I think both Andrew and I feel better eating the smaller portion sizes that the game makes us eat. Particularly the afternoon snack is a great diet addition for me. It means that at 6 pm I'm not so STARVING that I could eat the entire state of Idaho. So I can make a healthier choice for dinner, eat slower, and eat a smaller portion. The other good food rule is that you get to have 100 calories of "anything" during the day. I love having this exception, it means that if I am totally jonesing for some chocolate I can have a little bit. And it ends up that a little bit is enough to feel satisfied (sometimes!).
Which brings me to the point I was trying to get to. The other day Andrew asked me if I think there is a place (not a real place, but a mental place) where we can be eating healthy (like we are on this diet) but not being so obsessed about portion size and what we're eating. I wish I could say "yes" to this unequivocally, but I'm not sure. I would like that, and I have certainly been in a place that the author of Game On! Diet describes as "fat and happy." I have had times when I have been content with my body even though my body is not ideal and thankful that I have strength and endurance and an ability to move around the earth and eat good food and breathe fresh air and all of things that go into appreciating being a living human being without caring about how "big" I am. And then there are times I think, "I really want to be the healthiest I can be, and I know that if I lose 15 lbs I will be at the weight my body should be at to be it's healthiest; to avoid atherosclerosis and metabolic syndrome and all of that, so I need to make changes to be healthy and live longer." And then there are times that I look in the mirror and think, "If only I could lose those 15 lbs I would look so much better and not be so afraid to put on my swimming suit." Which of those is reality? Or something to aspire to? Or something to use as motivation? I don't know.
And then today, as I was reading my new dessert cookbook, the Momofuku Milk Bar cookbook (inspired to purchase based on so many pinterest and facebook food porn pictures and then furthered by my desire to BAKE because I'm on a diet that doesn't allow WHITE FLOUR OR SUGAR which is clearly food of the Gods!) I had a moment where it all sort of made sense. And it had very little to do with me or my perception of me. It was about the cycle of community involved in food and where our society is with food right now and how we make change in ourselves. Because one thing I've been thinking is how HARD it is to play this game outside of our house. If we go out to eat we are very limited, there are very few restaurants that serve food in 1) the appropriate portion 2) the appropriate ratio of protein/carb/fat 3) don't use processed foods/fats and 4) don't use sugar or white flour. We are fighting an uphill battle against what society is telling us. Which makes me think, how does ANYONE stay at their ideal body weight? Ever? Or is it a fight for everyone?
But I digress (as usual), we have strayed so far from the concept of eating for survival, from the idea of a community producing food for each other. And so (and this is not a novel thought by any means) the whole "farm-to-table" concept is really where we may be able to change all of that. Right now it's cool, almost cliche, in areas of the U.S. to talk about farm-to-table. In other countries that is HOW YOU GET FOOD, at the place where it is grown, by the people who grow it. Which, is maybe why other countries are not as fat as we are, right? But the thing that really struck me, this time, was how beautiful farm-to-table is in it's essence. Maybe it's because I spent so much time at my grandparent's cattle ranch as a kid, watching farm-to-table at it's origins (which was WAY more manual labor than beauty to be sure). This passage from the head baker/creator of Momofuku Milk Bar, Christina Tosi, actually made me cry:
We closed down our kitchen one day this past summer, and went to see where the darling jugs of impossibly creamy and flavorful milk came from. We left with a deeper understanding of how to smile when it rains, the knowledge that skinned knees are as badass as sheet-pan burns, and a line drive to our hearts as a reminder that each jug of milk is made by a small family with skill, thought, and drive. Every drop of milk counts on that farm. The pigs and chickens are fed any leftover milk; a jug sold is part of a loan payment or a piece of used farm equipment to help expedite the milking and pasteurization process. Each jug, therefore, must count in our kitchen. We are a kindred family that survives, fortunately, by doing what we love.
When I read this it made me really think that this is probably the way out of our constant need for food consumption, to REALIZE WHERE IT COMES FROM for everything you eat and to value that. Ok, so taken to it's natural end we end up in the Portlandia episode where they sit down at the restaurant to eat the chicken and then end up going to the farm to make sure it had a good life and end up in a cult. I don't mean THAT, but in a more reasonable way I mean thinking about food before we put it in our mouth. If we would all just pause and think, for even 1 second, before that bite went into our mouths, or before we put food into a skillet or oven, or before we pull it off the shelf at the store, we might make different and healthier choices. Again, this is not a new concept, mindful eating has been a buzzword for awhile. But why can't we do it? I think it's habit. Just like the habits Andrew and I are changing in our 4-week longgame, this too is a habit, created out of ease, but a habit all the same. Changeable. A choice. So maybe the answer, to Andrew's question, is a "yes" after all, because we all have the power to change our habits.
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