It actually makes me a little angry sometimes, to imagine ad executives coming up with plans to try to catch me at one of my most emotional moments to make me buy things that I don’t need. Somehow though, despite this hostility, I do occasionally get sucked in and have found myself accidentally shopping for high-end strollers or special bassinets, neither of which I need. So I’ve done my best to keep myself from shopping and decided that the best strategy would be to make a list of what I felt (for me) the minimalist newborn equipment would be and try to stick to it.
In making this list, I have the advantage this time around (being my 3rd child) of experience and so that certainly helps. I didn’t know about minimalism as a lifestyle concept after my first two kids were born (now 7 and 4 years old) but even with them, as I was buying things or receiving gifts I would often pose the question, “do I really need this thing?” and at the time the answer was, “maybe?” and now I know that often the answer is “no” or at least “maybe I should wait and see if I need it.” When my son outgrew his baby things I got rid of almost everything, gladly, with the happy thoughts that the people borrowing it or buying it could certainly use it and our closet couldn’t since I didn’t know if we would have a 3rd child. So this time around I’m starting mostly from scratch and I love that I get a clean slate.
The other up side to this being a 3rd child is that I don’t plan to have a baby shower. Don’t get me wrong, I love baby showers and parties of all types, but I’ve never been to one where there wasn’t a lot of unnecessary gifting. Looking back at my own shower, it makes me a little sad sometimes to think about the clothing that I was given for my first daughter that never got worn, that I gave away to friends (with the tags still on!) because we got a lot of clothing as gifts, and she didn’t grow at the standard rate (a lot of kids don’t) and so she never got to wear them! Because of that experience I always encourage people wanting to give a baby gift to give the gift of a housecleaning, meals, babysitting, or a pedicure as those are often the things you really don’t want to do for yourself after your baby is born and you need a break! Other great gifts are baby or children’s books (because we know reading to your child at an early age is good for them) or a gift card to buy necessary items that pop up along the way.
So the list, it is tailored to me personally, I don’t expect anyone else to use this list as a rule, but I’ll try to spell out why I think it is what it is. I also welcome feedback and comments as I WISH someone would have told me these things before I had my first child and I imagine there are a lot of different opinions out there.
The list:
Car seat – This is only if you have a car of course! We do, and we unfortunately have to drive places (we live within walking distance of a lot of local favorites but both my husband and I are working professionals and our jobs require driving a distance that is not walkable). I am hopefully going to be borrowing a car seat, instead of purchasing one, which is not something that is necessarily recommended by safety experts (to get a used car seat) but it is from a friend I know well and trust and so I feel comfortable with this plan. But in the end, in the United States, you normally are not allowed to leave the hospital with your baby if you don’t have a car seat, so that is why this is at the top of the list as a necessary item.
Clothing -- Technically they don’t “need” clothing if they have blankets, but I think most of us feel better with our baby in some sort of clothing, I know I do. This particular baby is going to be a winter baby and so the list is different than it would be if it were a summer baby (which would probably include only onesies, I know that is what my son pretty much lived in as a summer baby). But, even a winter baby doesn’t need much and in our household of soon to be 5 people, who all have minimized our wardrobes, we do either daily or every other day laundry so it’s not necessary to have a week of clothing on hand. I believe a reasonable minimum is 6 gowns or footed pajamas and 3 “outfits” for the 0-3 month age range to start with and to have about the same (minus the gowns, because they generally fit for a long time) for the 3-6 month age range. Will I probably end up with more? Yes, probably, I am a sucker for adorable baby outfits, but I am trying to limit my own purchases as I expect we will get some of those adorable baby outfits as gifts. I’m basing these numbers on the experience I had before, that even on a bad day we would usually only go through about 4 clothing changes. Maybe less with my second child because I just got lazy and tolerated some spit up here and there without feeling the need to change clothes. Also, I found that both my kids spent most of their time in gowns or pajamas or onesies, they are just so much easier (especially the gowns, no snaps!) than an outfit, although when the opportunity arises to dress them up a little bit it is fun to have a few cute outfits on hand.
Diapers – I don’t plan on stocking up on too many diapers ahead of time because of the size issue; you just don’t know when they are going to need “newborn” size or “size 1” or “size 2” because they all have different size butts and different size poops! I’ll probably buy a pack of newborn disposable diapers to start with because my babies have been on the smaller size in the past and they tend to go through anywhere from 6-12 diapers a day in the first couple of weeks and then go from there. I’ve never done cloth before but have contemplated it for this one. My husband said he doesn’t want to participate if we do cloth so that sort of takes it off the agenda for me (an agreeable partner is necessary in the newborn phase!). I would be curious to hear from those out there who use cloth how many diapers and diaper covers they feel they truly “need” versus how many they actually have.
Crib – we happen to already have a crib, so we will be using it at some point, but I don’t feel a crib is an absolute necessity, especially not in the first few months. It would be possible to get by with a bassinet and pack and play or some other arrangement for quite some time. I don’t want to really get into a co-sleeping or family bed debate, I’m going to leave that up to everyone’s individual choice, but I think it is likely that most people do end up with a crib at some point. I encourage people to buy a safe but inexpensive crib, because really, they only sleep there (sometimes) and they are such large pieces of furniture that are difficult to store afterwards and it’s nice to not feel you HAVE to keep it once you are done with it.
Other sleeping equipment (i.e. Bassinet, co-sleeper, pack-n-play) – Again, depending on what you choose, any of these are not absolutely necessary. I happen to already have a co-sleeper, and really loved having it for my other kids. I liked that I could have them near me to breastfeed during the night but not feel like I was causing them potential harm by having them in the bed with my husband and me. In our other house we had a pack-n-play, which was really convenient for naps on the main level of the house as well as diaper changes and traveling and such. That being said, this time we are going to do without, we don’t have space in our new house and I figure I could use the exercise of going up and down the stairs more anyway, if this ends up being the wrong decision I could probably borrow or rent one for a few months to get us through.
Entertaining equipment (i.e. Swing, bouncy seat, jumperoo, exersaucer, playmats, etc.) – I don’t think these are truly necessary items in any way. This time around we may borrow a bouncy seat and then maybe an exersaucer just depending on how things go, because I do think it is nice to have a place where you can set them for 15 minutes while trying to grab a shower or start a meal or things like that where you can see that they are “happy” and safe. I think it is possible to achieve happy and safe without buying large pieces of plastic equipment, it just takes a little more effort, which, depending on the day, might be more effort than one would want to put forth. Also, in retrospect, the amount of time they use these items is VERY short. A couple of months, maybe, before they are beyond them. So investing a lot of money (and house/storage space) in any of these items is not really a good idea. We have had all of these in the past and don’t have any of them right now so I’m going to wait to see how it goes before deciding whether or not we need them.
Transporting equipment (i.e. Carriers, packs, wraps, strollers) –With both of my kids I spent a lot of time carrying them in some sort of carrier. Babies like to be close to warm bodies and mine were the happiest in a sling, wrap, or carrier of some sort. I don’t have a particular preference as to the type; I did love the Moby wrap with my son and feel it is great even for a newborn and adaptable to older infants as well. I found I hardly used a stroller for my second child as he was always in his wrap or carrier (our Bjorn wore out and so this time I did buy an Ergo, we’ll see how it goes!). I did the big stroller/travel system thing with our first child and found it to be a total waste of money and space. I hardly ever used that bulky stroller and it didn’t even fit in our car very well. At around 4 months with our first I converted to a lightweight stroller for the purposes of travel and was happy with that decision, we still have that stroller (it’s pretty banged up but it still works!) and will use it if needed, it doesn’t fit an infant seat in it so it will be more useful again after 4-6 months when the kid can sit up. We do own a double jogging stroller (a Chariot) and we have gotten a lot of use out of it with our two older kids and we love using it for our frequent outdoor activities which are an important part of our lifestyle (running, biking) and we’re contemplating getting the ski attachment to be able to go cross country skiing with it. That may not be for everyone and it is a big investment based on cost and storage space so think carefully if it will work for you and your current lifestyle before buying any specialty stroller.
Feeding items (bottles, breast pumps, baby food makers) – The breast pump decision is totally dependent on plans for going back to work, etc. I encourage people to wait to buy one because sometimes (depending on your health insurance) the pump may be partially paid for if you are struggling with milk supply issues. If you’re going back to work very soon after giving birth then you may want to invest in one. A lot of people can get through with a hand pump and so don’t discount that as a possibility as it is a cheaper option, but if you have limited time for pumping then a higher grade electric pump is a better choice. My pump wasn’t working that well after it’s second time through and so I got rid of it, this time I’m going to see how it goes as I won’t be going back to work right away, I may borrow a pump from a friend (not generally recommended to share a pump) but again in this instance it is someone I know well and trust. I encourage people not to buy too many bottles because I find some infants really have a preference for certain nipple types and you might find yourself going through 3 or 4 different kind of bottles before finding one that works. Of course, if breastfeeding you may not need a bottle at all so better to just wait until you need one before buying. Since my kids were mostly breastfed and I tried to feed them myself whenever possible we only ever had a few bottles on hand (approximately 5) since we used them just a couple of times a day and washed them regularly, so I don’t really know how many are “necessary” if you are strictly bottle feeding. As far as baby food makers, I don’t know a lot about them, we never had one. The amount of time between starting baby food and converting to “real food” is so short (usually between 6-12 months of age) that again I’m not sure a lot of baby food making accessories are necessary. I do think it is great to make your own baby food, but if you have a food mill or food processor I’m not sure you need a “babyhood maker” but would be interested to hear someone else’s opinion about this.
Other items – I think all other items are really dependent on your personal preference. Did we have a special diaper disposal system (like a diaper genie)? No, we didn’t, and we never felt we needed it and we don’t need it now. We never had a baby wipe warmer and our kids’ butts never seemed to be damaged by a cool baby wipe (in the beginning we used warm wet towels anyway). We didn’t have a changing table with our kids and we still think it is not a necessary piece of furniture (we had a changing pad which we moved around the house and mostly used on other pieces of furniture or the floor and honestly we felt it was safer that way). We had a baby bathtub with our first child but after a couple of tries it was clear she hated it and she only enjoyed a bath if we were in the tub holding her so we usually bathed with our kids and got rid of the baby bathtub. We do have a baby monitor because of the distance between our room and our baby’s room, but if our room was closer I don’t think that would be a necessary accessory and we’re probably not going to need it for the first couple of months anyway. I had a Boppy pillow with my first child but I found it uncomfortable for me for breastfeeding (personally) and I did better with rolled up blankets and pillows positioned for our mutual comfort. We do have a glider/rocker chair which is a piece of furniture that I really enjoyed during the first 12 months with both my kids and I am glad we have kept it for this third one. It is very comfortable for breast feeding and rocking soon after delivery, but I think that is mostly personal preference and again not absolutely necessary.
Toys and books – As a parent I have come to loathe manufactured and advertised toys and this is where I feel the minimalist need the most right now. This is also where I learned from experience as we overdid it with toys during my daughter’s first couple of years of life. It became very clear to me rather quickly that they do not need a lot of toys. Babies are much more interested in interacting with humans (appropriately) and that is what we should be doing with our babies most often! Putting them in a swing or on a play mat or handing them a toy is not that fun for them (except when they figure out they can create a game by throwing the toy on the floor and observing us pick it up for them repeatedly). Like most kids our daughter loved playing with tupperware and wooden spoons on the kitchen floor more than she liked any of her plastic toys. Is it reasonable to have a couple of distracting items (like a rattle or stuffed animal and a couple of toys that they can put in their mouth to chew on) yes, I think that is very reasonable, but most kids end up with an excessive amount of large plastic toys that I think are absolutely unnecessary. Books, however, are healthy and good for babies and so I think having a small library of baby and children’s books is a good idea. I think using the local library often is great, and most babies probably don’t care what you are reading to them so even reading a magazine is fine (although expect page ripping to occur).
So that is the list! Again, I’m interested to hear everyone’s opinion about this, I’m sure there are lots of different thoughts out there and I’m pretty sure there isn’t a “right” or “wrong” answer as to how much and what is needed for a truly “minimalist” nesting and first year of life. Personally I have been trying to use that little “prepare! prepare!” voice in my head to channel the energy that I might otherwise use shopping for “stuff” and invest it in keeping my body healthy during my pregnancy with a good exercise routine and preparing healthy meals for our family (both time consuming activities that require real effort!). Also I’ve been taking some time for creative things, like painting a wall mural in the baby’s room and doing some journaling, that are both relatively low in terms of cost but make me feel like I’m giving the baby a gift of something that I made just for her that couldn’t be bought. Sometimes when I’m walking through large stores and seeing aisle after aisle of cheap toys and baby items it makes my stomach turn a little thinking that we, as a society, have placed such importance on such unimportant things during such an important time in our lives. Our babies need our time, our full attention, and our love, not our stuff. They come to us naked and with nothing to give but love, which reminds me that in the end, she is the true gift and blessing, she already has all the “stuff” she needs within her and I never ever want to lose focus on that.
Very interesting list, Julie.IT's amazing how the perspective changes after the first child when everything needs to be new and sparkly and then with the second and following, we understand that gently used clothing and equipment works just as well and we just dont need all the stuff! I remember that great bag of new clothes you brought to us!
ReplyDeleteWe too realized that some of the big equipment we bought was overkill (Peg Perego stroller was replaced by $17 umbrella stroller, Britax carseat was too big for our car and the Graco did just fine). We never bought a high chair but instead used the little $25 fisher Price booster that strapped to the chair and could be packed in our duffle when travelling. I did find that the large swing and our bouncer were indispensible but have to agree with you about the other play equipment.
I find your thought s about bottles interesting. We found we needed more like 12. Now, I had to go back to work at 5 weeks with the last and needed 6 bottles a day and found I didn't have time to handwash so had enough to go through the dishwasher while still having a supply for the next day. I loved nursing my babies, but also enjoyed the freedom of a bottle after that first few weeks.
I think you will love the Ergo, especially as they get bigger. I still use mine to haul my 35 LB 2 year old in the airport when her legs"are broken". The bjorn was great for little ones, but I felt we grew out of it at 15 lbs or so.
The Moby wrap always looked to complicated for me.
I'm now caught in the conundrum of what to get rid of and what to hold on to "just incase" our family gets an addition. Jury's still out on that one. I've loaned out our big stuff and have pared down the clothes and toys, but we still have a ridiculous abount of stuff.
Anyway, those are my thoughts. Jennie
Jennie, I totally forgot to mention the high chair! We did have a high chair, but I agree that it was unnecessary, and when we moved to Wisconsin it actually grew mold when we left it on our porch overnight one night (SO disgusting!) and we replaced it with the exact thing you're talking about attached to one of our dining room chairs and never regretted the decision! We do still have that little booster seat/high chair attachment and will use it this time around. You also might be right about the bottles, we washed them every night and it makes sense to have a few spares. Asher had a different bottle preference than Avery did (she would take anything) so I think that was part of my reasoning with waiting to see what happens with this one. Also, I already have no idea where I will store them, our new house is smaller/more efficient and I am already out of cabinet space and have gotten rid of a lot to make things fit. I'm looking forward to using the Ergo, it was my "big purchase" of this pregnancy. Of course all of this is trial and error (trying to keep it minimal) so we'll see how it goes!
ReplyDeleteFor those interested I also was pointed to this web site which has a lot of great comments about what different people feel are essential for babies:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.theminimalistmom.com/2011/02/25/minimalist-guide-to-baby/
I also forgot to add that one of the best items I owned for Asher was Aden + Anais muslin swaddling blankets. They did quadruple duty as blankets, nursing cover, stroller cover, and burp rag. Great product!
ReplyDelete